being angry

smelling like lavender and other scents that I never really liked and I am
snuggled in uncomfortable places, bright orange and purple and red and other colors that I never intended but I befriended every other soldier wrong when I was fighting the wrong war and there is nothing that my mother could have ever hated more than my picture on the
internet along with my name but it’s the same as every other girl that straightens their hair and there isn’t much more that can
make me care about some whore taking pictures in her underwear, friend requests are pending
every single day but who cares cuz all my real friendships are ending
anyway so I only talk to boys from surf city just to hear about they think I’m skinny and pretty. I figured they could lie a lot better on the west coast so I tried to see who could lie most
of the time they’re just as good as around here so I smoke 3 cigarettes on 92 in fear of some boy who spit on me and pushed me down in the sand and then fucked me in his car but he wouldn’t hold my hand because he said I was crazy, and maybe I am,
so I dyed my hair green and moved out of deland and I’m glad I never see him, but I’m sure I will again unless he’s too busy feeling up all my old friends and he pretends he didn’t like me just like everyone else but I don’t mind cuz I needed all this time to myself to write a blog full of f words that I couldn’t say out loud.
they stream my body on the internet and my brother and mother are in the crowd of people watching though they barely know how to work windows xp. I keep telling them to upgrade but my mom says she can’t afford it. so. ya know.

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